I'm A Christian, So Why Am I Miserable?

I love Jesus. I'm in the Word daily. I do all the things I'm supposed to - well, mostly. So, why am I feeling anguish?

Anguish: refers to extreme mental distress, emotional turmoil, or physical suffering. It is an intense, all-encompassing state of pain often triggered by profound loss, grief, or trauma, and is much more severe than typical sadness. People often describe it as a heavy, crushing weight in the chest, a profound sense of emptiness, and an exhausting state of mental torment where they feel trapped by their own thoughts.

I am barely hanging on. I am connected to my job by a thread. Getting out of bed to do anything is a monumental feat.

If I prayed more.....longer......better......

If I studied the right book of the Bible

If I went to church more consistently

If I was better.....

Yes, I am well aware that God loves me DESPITE what I do and there is no amount of works that I can do which will make Him love me more! So, why ....?

I am a Christian woman, and I am a woman with mental health issues. I can be both. It does not make me less than to God.

I fight the enemy DAILY to stay on the right side of the line. To not give up. To retain hope....

I have had an ongoing battle with severe depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder II for 40 years. Most of my life. The enemy likes to use it as "proof" that I'm not good enough, that there is something wrong with me.

I'm fighting. And I'd like to know I'm not alone.

Sherry